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Ms. B

2011-04-02 00:19:36
It's just me. No hiding, acting or pretending someone I am not. It's just my life, another story in a million,yet another perfect franchisee of a poor lifestyle.

I want to give a list of what you should/shouldn't expect from this peace of writing, in order to save your time:


It's not a Life Guide.
There will be no instructions on how to improve your life, how to find love or how to be healthy and beautiful.
EVERYTHING HERE IS ONLY my EXPERIENCE, my THOUGHTS, my TRUTH. I'm not trying to stick my label on someone else, especially You, my friend.
It's NOT a masterpiece.
It is depressing.

If you think you are not gonna like it- don't read it. If you read it and do not like it - it means you haven't read the latter 'instruction' , so it's not my fault. But if you read it and liked it - you're exactly the person that I chose to entrust my secrets to.


And now on a more serious note..

First question you probably ask me is 'what the hell is this?'. Well, it's a mixed bag of everything I went through in the last 5 years with Bulimia in the main role. I simply want to spill all the intimate facts about what it really is to live , breathe, sleep and wake up with this hunger for fake and imposed beauty. If you never personally met Mrs. Bulimia, I will introduce you to her and I hope it will be the first and last time you will meet. Or if you already did, you can take an outsider's look at how ridiculous, terrifying and fatal this "friendship" is. My aim is to make myself and everyone else sick of it, to feel the pain of it and to scream when the next time you hear the name of it. I know it's not actually possible to fight against it, but I would be the happiest Bulimic in the world if at least one girl will decide to get back into life after reading my words. And I will be the happiest person in the entire world if that girl is me.


The main reason why I started writing is that I haven't really talked to anyone in a while, 5 years if more specific.And it gets quiet boring answering to my own questions with time, don't you think so? Don't get me wrong tough. I wasn't closed in the dark cell with no doors and windows - I met people, I went out (occasionally) , I communicated. But I have never told how I actually feel, what I think. Probably the deepest conversation I had was about swine flu pandemic. Very deep, right? I can say that I'm like a ghost who wants to remain unnoticed and who has the only wish- find tranquility in his flowthing body and peace in his mind. I can preassume that most people saw/see me as a weirdo, even if they never threw that straight to my face. And I don't blame them! I became misserable - grumpy, always not in the mood to go out, paranoid.. But it wasn't always like that. I remember the days when I was.. normal I guess.

I'm still not ready to talk about the reasons of my choice to let bulimia into my life. Anything I would say could hurt a lot of people and that's the least I want to do. I was ,and I still am , hiding this part of my life because I don't want to make them suffer, I don't want them to feel sorry for me or even more, I don't want them to take responsibility for my mistakes. Until today, there are maybe three people who know about my situation. However, they know only the fact that I'm bulimic, while my status quo is much more than this superficial definition.. every girl, every woman or man who faced an eating disorder have their own story, their own reason and their very own consequences. I'm not an exception. I don't know how exclusive my life story is, but I have a right to tell it. So be ready to hear it.



Yours faithfully, Ms. B

P.S. to be continued..